Cookout season is here, and while the grills are firing up, the unfiltered opinions, side-eyes, and unsolicited comments are right on schedule. You know how it goes — someone’s uncle shows up smelling like Black & Milds and regret, your auntie suddenly becomes a “relationship expert,” and there’s always one cousin low-key starting a pyramid scheme in the corner.

But this year? This year you’re coming prepared.

Here are 10 ways to check, mindf**k, or instigate drama at the family cookout — all in good fun, with just enough chaos to keep things interesting.

1. Pull Up With a Plus-One… and Don’t Introduce Them

Let the silence speak. Let the whispers marinate like ribs in a Ziploc. Bonus points if your plus-one has a mysterious job title like “consultant” or “creative.” Is it your man? Is it your business partner? Is it your situationship with a 720 credit score? Guess they’ll never know.

2. Ask, “So Who Made the Potato Salad?” But With Tone

Say it with suspicion. Squint a little. Tilt your head. Let your question live in the air like smoke from the grill. Watch the crowd scatter like roaches when the lights come on. You just ruined somebody’s day with six words.

3. Bring Up Somebody’s 2009 Facebook Status

“Oh wow, remember when you said ‘college is a scam and I’d rather hustle’?”
Now that they’re 34 and still “freelancing,” let’s talk about that journey. Do it with a smile. You’re just trying to spark dialogue.

4. Loudly Say “We Need to Talk” — Then Walk Away

Let them spiral. The mind games begin. Let your cousin replay every lie, every unpaid loan, every group chat she wasn’t supposed to see. You don’t actually have anything to say. You’re just doing God’s work.

5. Ask Your Homophobic Uncle If He’s Dating Anyone

Make strong eye contact. Sip your spiked lemonade. Let the tension marinate. You’re just asking questions.

6. Call Everyone “Big” Something

Big Angela. Big Melvin. Big Cynthia.
Watch them decode whether it’s a compliment, shade, or both. Spoiler alert: It’s both.

7. Start a Debate About Who the Real Beyoncé of the Family Is

Every family has one. Stir the pot. Ask who’s the Beyoncé, who’s the Kelly, and who’s Michelle. (And if your family’s delusional, someone will try to claim Solange like that’s not an even harder role to play.)

8. Bring Up Therapy

Real instigation? Emotional accountability. Say things like, “That sounds like something to unpack in therapy.” Or “Oh, I thought you were in your healing era?” Psychological warfare with a sprinkle of love.

9. Blast a Playlist That Forces People to Choose Vibes or Morals

Put on R. Kelly right after Kirk Franklin. Add a Lil Nas X track, then transition into “Before I Let Go.” See who dances. See who stares. Take notes.

10. Leave Early and Tell Everyone “I Have Options”

Don’t over explain. Don’t say where you’re going. Just toss a to-go plate in your bag, dab your edges, and say, “Love y’all, but I got options.”

Then vanish. Mysteriously. Elegantly. Pettily.

Cookout season is about food, family, and just enough chaos to keep everyone humble.

A little lighthearted instigation is good for the culture — it keeps the family group chat active and the memories unforgettable.

Now pass me the deviled eggs, and don’t let Aunt Loretta’s man on the grill this year — he don’t wash or season the chicken.